Monthly Archives: July 2012

Perfectionism & Worthiness

We’ve all done it – said something so mean to ourselves that if anyone other than ourself said it we’d deck them. But there we are beating ourselves up over and over again about doing, saying or being XYZ. In a recent article posted to CNN called Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect, author Brené Brown, talks about the link between perfectionism and happiness. She says, “We get sucked into perfection for one very simple reason: We believe perfection will protect us. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.” If that got your attention, the rest of the article will captivate you. I highly recommend for anyone who has ever flirted with the need to be perfect at anything.

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Yes You Can Have it All

There is an article buzzing around called Why Women Still Can’t Have It All, by Anne-Marie Slaughter. It’s a thought provoking piece that has stirred the work life balance meets feminism pot quite a bit. As an expert in work life balance, I’m having an issue with the article, not because the author doesn’t make great points – she does. Rather because I look at the issue of work life balance in a different light. First, paramount to my work is the belief that balance is a human issue not exclusive to a single gender or family structure. Second, I believe you can have it all. There I said it. However, the key to having it all is in defining AND then being ok with what “all” means to you. That means not measuring your life and how you live it by it society, media or any other person’s ideas of what “all” means. Having it all is up to you and your ability to truly want what you have. Having it all is a choice, just as much as work life balance is a choice.

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Busy. Bored. Ungrounded.

I knew I was not alone in cringing every time someone utters the word “busy”. When I hear this word, my automatic assumption is the person who is “busy” is living out of their values, or filling their life with stuff to help them deny the fact they are living out of their values. In this opinion piece in the New York Times, called The Busy Trap, the author discusses busy as way to avoid boredom or anxiety. It reminded me of a concept Buddhist monk Pema Chodron, writes about as “ungroundedness”, a state in which people actually sit, feel and process all that is going on around them without the need to move to action, resolution or even draw conclusions. So go ahead, I dare you, this weekend don’t be busy be bored. Better yet be ungrounded.

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Digital Boundaries

What are your digital boundaries? Let me explain. How do you prefer to communicate with your friends, family and co-workers? Is it e-mail, text, voice mail, instant message, Skype or a combination? My guess is it’s a mix. But what you choose for your boss is probably not the same as what you want with your family and friends. In my workshops we talk a lot about setting boundaries to find better balance, so much so I have a whole separate talk just on setting boundaries. So you can imagine my delight at seeing the Wall Street Journal today a story called The Miscommunicators – all about setting digital ground rules. It is a must read.

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