Monthly Archives: January 2017

The Benefits of Comfort

By Chelsea Elkins, Simple Intentions Marketing & Program Manager

comfortzone_012617Neale Donald Walsch says that “life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. It is true that the things that make us uncomfortable or afraid can also create an unexpected joy or sense of fulfillment. Moving abroad, taking a risk on a relationship, pursuing a new certification or degree, even taking a literal leap and cliff jumping, all may naturally be outside our comfort zones. Pushing beyond the “shoulds” that society creates for us (or more often that we create for ourselves) can allow us to expand our horizons and accomplish things previously considered unachievable.

Though life cannot fully be embraced if we solely stay in “the known”, we must also respect the boundaries we each have put in place to protect our most precious values. Often when we are uncomfortable, it is because our values are being threatened – and it would therefore be harmful and draining to remain in that state.  There lies the complication: determining when going beyond our comfort zone challenges and benefits us, and when crossing that border is actually a result of someone or something violating a deeply rooted value. So how do we tell which is which? And what do we do if it’s the latter?

Determine the What

So what is it about “Co-Worker Todd” that makes us uncomfortable? The answer may be simple or surprisingly complex – and so may the solution. Reflect on what makes you set your teeth on edge when talking to “Todd”. Delve deep into the specifics. Does he stand too close to you when he talks? Do you find his tone irritating since his recent promotion?

Examine the Why

When you uncover the specifics of what action or statement has made you uncomfortable, examine the why. Which of your values feels threatened? If Todd is standing too close, he may be violating your value of personal space. If you’ve found his tone insufferable since he beat you out on a promotion last month, your value of respect may feel threatened. Alternatively or in addition to that, it could be that his presence is triggering feelings of unworthiness, as you again wonder why you were rejected for said promotion. Whatever the why is, acknowledge it without judgement. Understanding the reason behind an uncomfortable situation is the first step to alleviate it.

Communicate Your Boundaries

Often when we feel uncomfortable, the situation can be improved with a conversation on boundaries – either with the offender, a loved one, or ourselves. Todd may simply be unaware of his too-close-for-comfort proximity (as obvious as it may appear to us). Or if his actions are indeed intentional, speaking up may make him rethink that choice in the future. If the thing that’s making us uncomfortable is further away from our day to day – say a politician’s latest statement or an undesirable policy being passed – our communication may take the form of a letter or phone call.

Just the act of sharing our feeling of discomfort with a friend or loved one can also help disperse the unpleasantness in a situation. Lastly, correcting negative self-talk and addressing internal criticism can also be a way to guide us back to our comfort zone. After all, a positive affirmation or two can go a long way.

Go Beyond

Sometimes communication is not enough to create change and additional action may be needed. If Todd continues to breach your personal bubble, consult with a trusted mentor or your manager. If you are unhappy with local politics, sit in on a City Council meeting or attend a protest. If a new policy is threatening a value you deem as a global human right, volunteer at an organization fighting for something you hold dear. If you feel you are being attacked online by a stranger, determine if some small part of you believes those words to be true. Then pursue whatever action would lessen that belief – it could be meditation, education (whether individual or institutional), therapy, or a more heightened and informed awareness of yourself and the world. Whatever your next action is, ensure it is authentic to you and your values.

Repeat

The beautiful thing about our brains is that they change. A statement that made us uncomfortable 6 months ago may not have the same effect now. Todd may still set our teeth on edge but the reason why may be different. This means we must be persistent with our detective work, as our what’s and why’s are constantly changing.

All that we have control over is our own actions (and reactions). Next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, get to the bottom of the what and the why and take the needed steps to move forward. Let go of the idea of external control, determine what can be done to protect your values, and then, like a resolute cliff diver, take the leap back into your comfort zone.

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What Mindfulness Does For Sales

By Jordan Weinand, Founder of Glowsoul and Friend of Simple Intentions

011817_whatmindfulnessAll folks who sell for a living want to make the next big deal. The overwhelming pride you feel when you’ve helped push the quota past expectations is worth every ounce of work you put in. It feels really good when your boss is pumped enough to reach into the pocket and splurge on your success during happy hour too.

If there was a step-by-step guide on how to achieve consistent sales results, we’d all be eager to pay up.

Hard work and grit. Yeah, it makes sense that we need both of those, however, it’s not easy to teach those characteristics. On all accounts, it requires you to find it from within. If you’re not breaking yourself like Rocky Balboa, the next best way to find yourself is through Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the mental state we reach when we focus our awareness on the present moment. During this state, we are acknowledging and accepting of our feelings, thoughts, and sensations. Mindfulness has tons of benefits, below are three that will help you sell the next biggest deal on your team.

Memory Improvement

Have you ever forgotten the fine details about your prospect’s needs and lost a sale because you couldn’t remember how exactly to tie in your service? I have, my pen only writes so fast! If I could ask for one superpower it would be a better memory.

There are ample ways of increasing the stickiness in your storage capacity. A few I’ve tried are: story-based association, poem memorization and reading books. Another, that has helped a ton is mindfulness and meditation.

The “Psychiatric Neuroimaging Research Group,” found there are structural differences between brains of experienced meditation practitioners and those who aren’t.

In this Harvard Gazette article, detailed by Sue McGreevey, MGH Communications, the group found increased grey matter (found in regions of the brain associated with hearing, emotions, and memory) in test subjects who practiced meditation for 27 minutes a day, over an 8-week span. This is helpful to know as I’ve personally noticed better detail recollection with meditating and mindfulness.

Gain Empathy

It’s been documented that since the 1970’s we’re becoming less empathetic and compassionate. Sarah Konrath from the University of Michigan says she’s seen a steady drop since 1990 in these areas. Mindfulness and meditation can certainly boost this lack of empathy. While long-term benefits of mindfulness include increased memory, stronger overall health and cognitive skill speed, increased compassion is the main focus.

When being mindful you’re often sitting in a quiet space for any length of time and guiding awareness to the present moment. The aim is to focus on the now and be thankful for all you have in the instant. The immediate effects often are an appreciation for oneself, others and the materials you already have. When I focus on mindful selling, I become appreciative of my managers, prospects and the opportunity to help. Showing empathy in sales has a sweet referral ROI along with a fast track to trust.

Lose Stress

Between a 50-call day, preparing demos for prospects and managing current partners, the mounting stress can be real, especially if you don’t have an outlet. In the same Harvard study, the subjects reported a lower stress level and did have lower grey matter density in the amygdala, a little nugget of grey matter involved with emotions and plays an important role in anxiety and stress.

Amishi Jha, of the University of Miami, thinks that while stress can be reduced in eight weeks of a mindfulness training program, the structural changes in the amygdala could push better studies in curing stress related disorders like PTSD. With less stress, you’ll be eager to keep your nose to the grindstone and build that awesome sales pipe, even if you have PTSD from being bombarded with NO’s.

Much of sales is mental. We are humans with a very curious, powerful structure upstairs that constantly is powered up. The mind needs massaging and relaxation. Feeling refreshed during long sales cycles grows your grit, improves your memory, shrinks your stress and forces you to be empathetic. Test it for a month and try to find favorable techniques. You’ll notice a quick turnaround on your overall perception of smiling and dialing. If nothing else, you will at least have 20 minutes of peace and quiet.

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Four Types of Complaining

By Jae Ellard, Simple Intentions Founder and CEO

[Note: This post originally appeared on Thrive Global]

011117_ComplainingHumans love to complain. We keep ourselves off balance through the way we complain, or in some cases the way we withhold our complaints. The funny thing about complaining is, many people are not clear on what it is they are complaining about, and many people confuse complaining with criticizing. A little secret here, 99 percent of the time you’re complaining about something because you are feeling that a value of yours has been threatened or compromised in some way. (It always goes back to values.

Before we can talk about a new way to complain, we first must establish the difference between a complaint and a criticism. In general, a complaint is an expression of a feeling of displeasure. A criticism is rooted in judgment of the actions, values, or work of others. It is possible that sometimes you’re feeling of displeasure comes out as criticism, meaning that it’s easy to make the displeasure you are feeling someone else’s fault — for example, blaming your boss for you having to stay late or your partner for you not having the time to go to the gym. It is through taking accountability of your displeasure (your complaining) that you can create action. That said not all complaints create action as there are four different types of complaining.

Frivolous or Recreational Complaints
These types of complaints validate a person’s view of the world or can make fun of or belittle something. Many times you don’t even need someone to hear these types of complaints. For example, “I have to work late Friday night”, you could be alone at your desk when saying this.

Empathy Seeking Complaints
These types of complaints are expressed by people who just want to be heard. You only want someone to care, you don’t need the other person to fix it, just listen and care. (Or even pretending to listen works here too.) We might say, “I have to work late a second Friday night in a row”, so we can hear someone else say to us “that’s a bummer.”

(Psychology tells us these first two types of complaints are good for us — they are also called venting — and can be a helpful way to process our displeasure.)

Withholding Complaints
This is the most toxic way to complain. It’s when people say nothing at all and begin to harbor resentment and internalize anger. They might start to exhibit passive aggressive behavior — or even just plain aggressive behavior. For example, “I have to work late a third Friday night in a row — no problem at all — happy to be here.” When in fact the tone of voice and e-mails reveals something different.

Action Complaints
These types of complaints are expressed by people who want action or change to occur and are committed to not repeating the past. For example, “I have to work late a fourth Friday night in a row — what can we do different so we are not here next week?” The displeasure is expressed with a request to discuss a path for change or action.

It is easy to see the difference; the challenging part is being aware of who you are sharing what type of complaint with. For example, your manager probably doesn’t want to hear your recreational complaints, but he or she might be more interested in your action complaints. If you want to complain to be heard — just say so, “Can you listen to me right now? I don’t need you to solve this — just hear me out.” Or if you need help you can say, “I’m stuck and could use some feedback what do you think if we tried a different approach?”

If you happen to be on the receiving end of a complaint and are not sure what type of complaining it is, just ask, “Do you need me to do anything?” Many times that is enough for the person complaining to create a bit of awareness around what they need from you in the conversation.

The best practice is before you share your displeasure with others through complaining, understand what it is you are seeking in doing so. Now go forth and own your complaints!

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Sit Still

By Nicole Christie, Principal + Creative Director of NICO, Inc. and Friend of Simple Intentions

010417_sitstillA friend once asked me what would happen if I stopped changing things. I was at the tail end of several major life transitions—divorce, cross-country move, job change (all at once)—and, as she said, kept “flipping stones” when I felt discomfort. Whether that was buying a new item of clothing, finding someone new to date, seeking a new project or client, I was always in motion. And it was resulting in a lot of mistakes due to snap decision-making.

That’s what happens when we don’t give ourselves time to be still. To be thoughtful. To get real about our values, our intentions, our “why.” We’re driving in fog, but instead of slowing down—or even better, pulling over to let it clear—we turn on our brights, step on the gas, and drive off a cliff.

Because just like when we’re behind the wheel, if we can’t see clearly, can’t think clearly, it’s best to stop. This is a REALLY hard lesson if you’re a control freak like me and want to MAKE SHIT HAPPEN. But when we force it, we get in our own way. We take wrong turns and get lost. And while sometimes detours are pleasantly surprising, that’s not often the case when they’re taken in haste.

So let’s not be in a hurry to go nowhere fast. Let’s acknowledge that lack of clarity is a sign to stop. To gather our thoughts and let things play out. To sit still until we can see the path ahead of us, then take it one slow, intentional step at a time.

 

 

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