Tag Archives: presence

Reclaim Your Power in Toxic Situations

By Christopher Littlefield, Founder of Acknowledgment Works & Friend of Simple Intentions

[NOTE: This post originally appeared on LinkedIn]

Few things seem to have the ability to drain our energy more than dealing with toxic people. In the workplace, we may have to frequently interact with a co-worker, manager, or direct report who seems to constantly be releasing negative or “toxic” energy. I’ve created five simple steps to help us take responsibility, create accountability, and reclaim our power in any unpleasant situation with a “toxic” colleague.

The first step is to stop associating the colleague with toxicity. How we talk, speak, and think about an individual or a situation dictates how we relate and react to it. If I believe someone is “toxic”, even a simple invitation from them to lunch starts to appear suspicious and malicious. Shift the associations and you’ll start to shift your experience of how you view this person.

Second, ask yourself, “What have I decided is true about this person?” Often, we may write someone off the first time they do something we do not agree with. The disagreement could have happened months ago, but since then we have been gathering evidence that they are a jerk. Acknowledge to yourself when and what YOU decided was true about them. They were not born toxic, it was a label that was given to them.

The third step is to try listening to the person from a different angle. In the book, The Art of Facilitation, Dale Hunter suggests listening for the motivation or “hidden commitment” behind an unpleasant interaction. As an example, after an important meeting your boss says, “I can’t believe you said that it front of our client, that was so stupid!”

Possible hidden commitments that may have caused your boss to use “toxic” rhetoric include:

  • They may be committed to the outcome of the project.
  • They may be committed to your growth.
  • They may be committed to doing what they feel is perfect work.
  • They may be committed to the client.
  • They may be committed to a promotion to help support their family.
  • They may be committed to not making a mistake.

The fourth step is to simply remember that this person, consciously or unconsciously, is doing what they think is best. Assuming positive intent can make all the difference in diffusing a toxic situation.

Finally, the last step to overcoming toxicity is to write your colleague’s name on a piece of paper and take 5 minutes to write a list of things you appreciate, admire, and have learned about/from them.

When we shift our relationships to “toxic” co-workers, we gain the power to understand the deeper meaning beyond difficult communication, stay present, and shift the atmosphere of the situation to calmer waters. When we are in alignment, we are able to set the boundaries of what kind of communication is acceptable in the future.

I find that even in the most difficult situations, once we show a colleague that we can see through their fire to what fuels them (their commitments), we are able to gain their respect and gain their partnership.

Now go reclaim your power.

 

Christopher Littlefield is the founder of AcknowledgmentWorks. He trains leaders around the world in the Art of Acknowledgment and Engagement. His work revolves around the understanding that at the heart of all of our relationships is the experience of feeling valued. Watch Chris as he shares his research at TEDx Beirut.

 

FacebookLinkedInShare

States of Being

By Jae Ellard, Simple Intentions Founder and CEO

[Note: This post originally appeared on Thrive Global]

032217_States of BeingNever underestimate the impact you have on other people. It is almost impossible to fully understand how your behavior (actions and words) has impacted others in the span of your life. Think for a moment about someone who has impacted you greatly in your lifetime. Do they even know it? Do you think their impact was intentional? Aware or not, your behavior has an impact on every single person you meet each day (including yourself). It is therefore interesting to think about why many of us keep choosing the same behaviors, words and actions day after day — effectively creating a future that is the same as our past.

Why do we keep doing what we are doing when we know what we are doing is not working? Some of the answers can be found in the field of neuroscience, which studies interactions of the brain with its environment. Right now we are sharing a reality that is made up of whatever you are touching, smelling, and hearing — that includes the voice in your head (the one wondering when I’m going to get to my point). The great news is we all have a voice in our head — (if you have more than one — this likely isn’t the right content for you!). You can think of the voice in your head as the voice of awareness. And, as neuroscience tells us, our actions are linked with our senses: smell, taste, feel/touch, seeing, and hearing. This includes the internal conversations we have in our head.

In other words, our actions (behavior and words) are linked with our senses and our internal dialogue. And the only way you can really shift your reality — is to shift the voice in your head. To do that you first have to hear the voice — THEN ask yourself if what you are saying is true. Think about all the weird stuff that pops in your head throughout an average day — some of it is not true or based on old stories or old values that you may no longer have. It is possible that we continue to repeat the past because we listen to the same internal conversations over and over again.

Harnessing the power of the impact of your behavior is as simple as changing the dialogue in your head. If you alter the dialogue in your head, your behavior will begin to change as well. You can change what you are experiencing by changing the conversations you have with yourself. How you see the world, and the conversations you have in your head about it, make up how you relate to the world and the energy which you bring to your reality. This can be referred to as your state of being.

There are two primary states of being: disempowered and empowered. You have likely heard of these concepts before — optimist/pessimist, at-risk/at-stake, abundance/scarcity, victim/non-victim. The idea is the same behind disempowered and empowered states of being.

A disempowered state of being is one in which you feel overstressed and as if there is never enough time. Your life might feel like a house of cards — if one card falls, the house will crumble. You might feel anxious, as though you have to defend yourself and the status of your work at all times. You tend to feel as if it’s all yours to lose and both resources and support are scarce. In other words, you operate from a place of fear. You will most likely approach interactions with others from this perception, this energy or way of being.

An empowered state of being is a feeling of having purpose. You most likely have a feeling of clear direction and connection to your internal world and the world around you. You likely feel energized and absorbed in what you are doing and feel the value of achieving what you are committed to. If you are functioning in this state, you feel empowered, as though you have something (or everything) to gain: It is a place of abundance and love. You will most likely approach interactions with others from this perception, this energy or way of being.

One state of being is not more right than the other — we all will move through many stages of life and states of being where we feel empowered and disempowered. The learning here is to recognize the state of being you are experiencing and know that shifting that state begins with shifting the internal dialogue in your head. It is true that some people are “wired” to be more empowered or disempowered. It’s also true that regardless of how you are wired, shifting states is as simple as shifting your thoughts.

You’ve likely heard the phrase: ‘you bring about what you think about’ — this is what we are talking about here. If you think you will have a bad time, you will; and if you think you will have a good time, you will. Your thoughts are directly correlated to your behavior and the impact of your energy and actions.

Even more powerful is that when you shift how you experience and think about your personal or professional worlds, the behavior of others around you will also experience a shift. Your behavior has an impact whether you are aware of it or not. It’s the same principle as “a smile is contagious.” Think about it — most times you can tell if a person is happy or sad, excited or angry even if you don’t know them or what is happening with their internal dialogue. Their state of being, just like yours, is having an impact.

When it comes to reflecting on your state of being there are a few important questions to consider:

Do you operate more from an empowered or disempowered state of being? There is no right or wrong answer, just focus on building awareness. Begin to tune into your thoughts and see if they are mostly empowered or disempowered — no need to try and alter any thoughts at this point — just notice your default state of being.

What state of being is more common among your family? If you work — what state of being is more common among your teammates or in your company? This may shift from team to team and family member to family member — again the action here is just to notice.

What are you willing to do to shift your state of being when you feel disempowered? Are you ready to have awareness around noticing when you feel disempowered? Are you ready to listen to your internal dialogue? Ready to question it? To shift it?

How do you know when you are in an empowered state of being? What does it feel like in your body? Next time you’re feeling empowered — notice it — record how (and where) you feel it so you can recall that feeling to help you shift from disempowered to empowered in the future.

As you reflect on your answers, begin to become aware of where your behaviors are supporting you and where they are sabotaging you. Notice the choices you make, notice when you feel in balance, notice when you feel out of balance. Then make the necessary shift.

FacebookLinkedInShare

Cultivate Awareness to Manage Your Attention

By Carson Tate, Founder of Working Simply and Friend of Simple Intentions

There are certain work or career beliefs that we’ve convinced ourselves are true.

Things like:

  • – Work-life balance will always be a struggle.
  • – You get ahead or you get noticed by replying to each and every email.
  • – The loudest or most-often-heard vaoice in the meeting is best-suited for a leadership role.

These beliefs are just not true. But office politics, water cooler chat, and even pop culture have shown us otherwise, which is why it’s sometimes hard to get out of these belief cycles.

There is no better time than NOW to debunk these so-called truths and embrace a new work belief:

We have more control than we realize.

For some this is a bold, new truth that calls us to muster up a lot of confidence, courage, initiative or moxie. (All of which we are completely capable of.) We will all eventually get to that place, I promise. In the meantime, there is an easy, strategic place to start with launching this new belief. We can start by becoming more aware of what we pay attention to and how we pay attention.

Our brain’s wiring lends itself towards being distracted. Just think about how many times a day you find yourself checking your email, your favorite social media feed or just staring off into space. If we want to strengthen our voluntary attention–the attention we have direct control over—we must improve our focus and ability to proactively complete our work.

The first step in this process involves cultivating awareness. Learning to do this begins with a simple but surprisingly powerful exercise—the attention awareness exercise. Select a span of four hours, either during the workweek or on a weekend, as your tracking period for this exercise. Then choose an attention tracking tool that works for you: pen and paper, the notes feature on a smart phone, or a dictation device. Every time your attention wanders, you lose focus, or you are interrupted either by others or yourself, make a note on your attention tracking tool.

You may want to devise different symbols to refer to your own personal “distractors.” For example, I have had clients use hash marks to denote the number of times their attention wandered and create abbreviations for the people, things, ideas and emotions involved – for example, P = person, F = feeling, C = child, E = email, W = web surfing, and S = social media (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and so on).

And, yes, the exercise itself is also diverting your attention. However, there is a method to the process. The attention awareness exercise enables us to see, literally in black and white, how often our attention wanders and the triggers that cause this to happen. We must notice that our attention has wandered in order to do something about it. I would suggest to repeat the attention exercise multiple times during a workweek and at different times of the day – we want to have enough data to thoroughly analyze our attention awareness trends.

Now that we have our attention data, we can start the path towards change. Review the data and notice any trends or themes:

  • Was it more difficult to focus right before lunch time or dinner time?
  • Was it difficult to focus after a long meeting or a difficult conversation with a family member?
  • Was it easier to focus after a walk or a workout at the gym?
  • Were there specific time periods during the four hours that it was easier to focus?
  • Were there specific projects or types of tasks that you could focus on for longer periods of time?

Keep notes on the trends and themes that emerge.

The second step to strengthening our voluntary attention involves optimizing the physiological conditions necessary for ideal attention management. It is ideal to create an environment that supports unique attention management needs and minimizes the impact of the hardwiring of your brain. When we are tired, hungry, or stressed, we are fighting an uphill battle with our attention. Guess who is always going to win – your brain! If you are up late the night before finishing a project, you may not have the ability to focus on a complex task at eight the next morning. If you’ve just had a very difficult conversation with a colleague or spent an hour consoling an upset friend, be aware and plan accordingly; your voluntary attention muscle is already fatigued due to this interaction.

Plan your self-management activities with all of these factors in mind. Keep packets of nuts, granola bars, or dried fruit in your office drawer, pocket book, briefcase, and/or glove compartment of your car to stay properly fueled for maximum focus. Create a playlist of soothing and energizing music to help you relax or recharge after stressful interactions and conversations. Keep comfortable shoes in your desk drawer or in your car or work bag so you can go for a quick walk up and down the halls of your office building or outside your office building. Physical movement is one of the most effective ways to mentally reset and discharge negative energy. And you do not have to walk long to benefit – ten minutes is all it takes.

When TV hostess and media mogul Martha Stewart was asked how she manages to accomplish so much during a day, she responded by saying, “I used to get tired before I started working out on a daily basis. Even a half hour makes a huge difference to the body’s energy level over the course of a day. Eating healthy, fresh foods is essential. With nutritious diet and exercise, I can get a lot done in a day.”

By optimizing the physiological conditions required to manage attention, boosting our sense of focus is completely attainable.

The third and final step requires that we retrain our brains using a “brain reboot”. Refocusing is hard because we have trained our brains to work on a variety of things simultaneously. How common is it to check email during a conference call? Or to feed a child breakfast, unloaded the dishwasher, and pack lunches all at the same time? Multi-tasking habits does not improve productivity; instead, it undermines our ability to focus.

In order to refocus, visualize a reset button in your brain and say, “I need to hit reboot and get back on track.” According to Dr. Srini Pillay, clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, this takes the spotlight off the distraction and puts it on redirection—the refocusing of the task. By frequently rebooting the brain, it is being rewired for optimal functioning.

Another approach to brain rebooting is the use of breathing to restore focus. Try taking a deep inhalation breath, pushing out your navel, and then powerfully expelling the air by slightly bringing in your stomach. Repeat this breath five to seven times and observe how the tension and mental chatter in your mind dissipates. Another breath that also short circuits the mental chatter is to place your tongue on the roof of your mouth and blow out as if you were blowing out candles on a birthday cake. As you blow out, count to seven. You can now regain your focus.

Someone once told me, – whatever it is you think or believe, it’s true; meaning that if I believe I will always struggle with work-life balance, it’s true; or if I believe someone else deserves a promotion more than me, that’s true, too.

The same goes for the control we think we have or don’t have – if we believe we don’t have control over our choices in a situation, we won’t. But that’s simply not true. We have more control than we realize.

So, start with practice – begin with cultivating awareness to pay better attention. Once the belief exists that we can control how or what we pay attention to, we can start to take bigger steps towards exercising more control and debunking work truths that simply aren’t true.

 

Carson Tate is a productivity consultant and the founder of Working Simply, Inc. She is the author of Work Simply: Embracing the Power of Your Personal Productivity Style and serves as a coach, trainer and consultant to executives at Fortune 500 companies including AbbVie, Deloitte, Wells Fargo and United Technologies.

FacebookLinkedInShare

Hospitality in the Eyes of an Outsider

By Joanna Fuller, Friend of Simple Intentions

ubeth (002)In 1992, shortly after the end of the Gulf War, I had the opportunity to spend a month in the West Bank, in the Palestinian territories. A relatively new college graduate with an English literature degree, I was there—ostensibly—to contribute to English classes at the University of Bethlehem.

But in the first class I visited, I opened the door to students jumping around the room and onto tables, staging a failed coup against Prospero in a production of Shakespeare’s The Tempest. It was clear they had a much better handle on the material than I did. I didn’t have much to teach them about the play, and instead found myself sitting back, enjoying their banter (all in English, rather than Arabic), amazed at how learned these students were, and how much they had to teach me about English literature.

I don’t remember much more about that class, to be honest.  But what I do remember vividly is how one of the students, Fatima, approached me, introduced herself, and insisted that I visit her home for lunch that afternoon. She told me to bring along all of my American girlfriends.

A few hours later, six young women from America joined six young Palestinian women in Fatima’s home. Fatima’s mother had gone next door to ‘borrow a chicken,’ which she magically transformed into platters of shawarma, accompanied by stacks of warm pita bread, mounds of deliciously sour labneh, and overflowing plates of saffron rice. After lunch, in the privacy of her home, Fatima and her friends removed their hijabs, tied them around their (and our) hips, turned on the music and taught us to dance. They told us that all their neighbors would consider it an honor that we’d chosen to be guests in their home.

I was surprised, to say the least. Not only that someone would go to all that trouble for us, but without hesitation, or planning. That summer was the first time I’d traveled outside the West, and I hadn’t yet learned what hospitality can look like in other parts of the world. It was the first time I’d heard the belief that many Middle Easterners share: that you must always treat strangers well, especially those traveling from foreign lands, because they could very well be ‘angels sent by God.’ It was a wonderful new way of experiencing hospitality.

Twenty-two years later, arriving as a newly sworn-in Peace Corps volunteer in Mongolia, I experienced a different but equally surprising reception. I laughed and in truth, bristled a little, when I first heard how the people in my community referred to me: as манай Америк хүн (pronounced manai Amerik hun, meaning ‘our American’). Fellow volunteers across the country shared the same experience, and none of us were sure how we felt about it. It was both flattering and slightly off-putting to feel like a town status symbol, along with the Land Cruisers and modern apartments owned by the wealthier families.

Hidden in that designation, though, is something I failed to realize at first: манай Америк хүн wasn’t so much an expression of possession, but of responsibility. I’d chosen to come live in their community and my Mongolian hosts considered it their duty to take care of me and to make sure I had what I needed to survive—be it a bed, a pair of winter boots, or enough meat in my freezer.

Just like in Palestine, it wasn’t always easy to be an outsider in Mongolia. But if there was one luxury I came to appreciate, it was the special status my American-ness afforded me – one of acceptance.  I could be completely different from the people around me, and it was not only OK, it was expected. There was a reason that explained all the ways in which I diverged from the crowd, and rather than causing people to reject or distance themselves from me, it instead somehow drew them in, and motivated them to take an interest in my well-being.

Today, it’s hard to believe I’ve been home from Mongolia for nearly six months. Since I’ve returned, people have continued to ask me how re-entry’s going. For the most part, I’d actually say it’s been amazing. (The WiFi! The paved roads! The bagels!) But it’s also been fascinating to find that I’ve been using the cultural integration tools taught to me during my Peace Corps training just as much here in America as I did during my time abroad.

In order to join the Peace Corps three years ago, I left a job of nearly twenty years and with it, the comfort of working at a place where I knew the ropes, and where my colleagues trusted and respected me. Looking to forge a different path upon my return home to the U.S., I took a new job in a new organization, with its own unique culture and systems and lingo and social dynamics.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been the ‘new girl’ in an organization. I don’t always know what I’m doing, and often have to muddle through first being bad at things (and people seeing that) before getting good at them. I’ve shown up, ready to dive in and get to work, only to first find out how much I don’t know and how much I need to learn from others. I’ve had to rely on people to show me how to do the simplest tasks, including how to make coffee and how to operate the copy machine.  I’ve gotten lost trying to find the restroom. I’ve had to remember what it feels like to have people make assumptions about me based on my appearance, my age and my title. Not because they’re not enlightened or evolved—but because they’re human and that’s what humans do. I’ve had to catch and stop myself doing the same to others.

The biggest difference is that, here in America, I don’t get the benefit of the mini-celebrity status I enjoyed in Mongolia and the Middle East, the status that made people want to drop what they were doing and take shared ownership in my well-being. In America, people have a lot going on, which means that often, I’m left to my own devices, and to learning by trial-and-error. Some days it feels like much more error than trial, and that’s when I have to remind myself to:

  1. Take time to listen and observe; resist the urge to act immediately and instead focus on truly understanding the situation and how I can best be of service.
  2. Anticipate that in the beginning, anything I try will take three times as long as I think it should, and likely be twice as expensive. Remember this is normal.
  3. Be gentle with and extend myself grace when things don’t go according to plan.
  4. Avoid being an island; while my natural instinct might be to withdraw or turn inward to hide my mistakes or feelings of vulnerability, continuing to reach out to others is the key to survival.

And while it seems sometimes as if every single person in America is time-starved and under pressure, I’ve been so grateful for those who’ve surprised me by their willingness to stop, take the time to connect in a meaningful way, and extend a hand to someone trying to fit into their new surroundings. Our American culture isn’t one that always allows for spontaneous afternoon lunches or dance parties, but there are at least a few hospitality angels out there doing their best. I’ve come to appreciate what a gift they are.

More than that, I’ve realized how important it is to be one of them, and what a difference it can make to another human when you’re able to show up, unhurried, and offer them your time and presence.

FacebookLinkedInShare

Playing in Lava

By Chelsea Elkins, Simple Intentions Program & Marketing Manager

On the most foundational level, to be in play means to be in a state of presence, spontaneity, and above all to allow yourself to let go. The highest form of play taps into our inner child and allows us to experience a pure lightness and joy that temporarily washes away all the heaviness that can come with adulthood. We abandon our worries, doubts, mortgage, and perhaps just for a moment truly experience play.

A few weeks ago I was able to attend my very first Seattle Wisdom where we gathered to explore the topic of play both in and out of the workplace. When our host Sameer placed a large box of toys and coloring tools in our midst, the room grinned at each other shiftily, everyone fully aware that as adults most of us would feel more comfortable talking about play than actually playing. One participant even bravely announced she was feeling a bit anxious about “playing wrong” – a worry that I think was on more than one mind.

It seems our confidence around play (and often a slew of other things) that we had when we commanded the sandbox inevitably starts to fade, or rather, is pounded out of us by a demanding and often anti-play society. As a result, I realized that I am a culprit of halfway play. Similar to halfway conversations, halfway play is a suppressed expression that usually doesn’t accomplish the desired outcome (which in this case would be having fun). Perhaps your body is playing but your mind is preoccupied with tomorrow’s meetings or your upcoming move. When we are merely going through the motions of play, it is because we are unable to be fully present. We may be uncomfortable, anxious, or uncertain about something which prevents us from truly surrendering to play.

Funnily enough, we were experts at playing through those very situations as kids. We thrived in the unfamiliar as children and gravitated towards the thrill of the undiscovered, the delight of fear. Games like Hot Lava Monster, Marco Polo, even Hide & Seek all encouraged us to find exhilaration in the unknown. Everyone faces difficult circumstances as well as unpleasant or just boring situations. What if we chose to exercise a playful spirit during these times and embraced uncertainty just like we did as a child? Next time you find yourself preparing for an audit at work, assembling your new couch, or in an awkward social situation, take pause and think of Hot Lava Monster. We have the choice and the capability to smile and challenge ourselves to see some small shred of humor, exhilaration, or beauty that is likely lingering near the moment.

The act of play is spontaneous by nature, making it something you can’t really plan out. Though you can’t plan play, you can plan playtime! Set aside an hour a week, 5 minutes a day, or whatever you are able to achieve – just make sure that play is on your schedule.

Play in fear, play in fun, just play on!

FacebookLinkedInShare

Out of Place In a Place You Are Meant to Be

By Kim Lowe, Simple Intentions Managing Editor

0124654ff537cab587ad1b98268b0aa099704d16a5Do you ever feel out of place in a place you’re compelled to be? Maybe you’re the sole marketer on a virtual team of PMs and developers. Maybe you’re the only woman amongst a cohort of men. Maybe you’re the sole introvert in a group of garrulous extroverts. Your first inclination may be to extract yourself from the discomfort, to just get out, no matter the consequences.

But when fleeing is not an option, how do we endure with our composure intact? How do we make the best of an uncomfortable situation? How do we rise to an occasion that at the outset looks and feels like nowhere we want to be and nothing we want to experience?

I recently had this experience during a weekend yoga retreat in the mountains, two hours from my home. Initially I planned to attend with a friend, with the intention of getting away from our daily lives for a few days of yoga and fresh mountain air. When my friend’s plans changed and she wasn’t able to go, I decided to go alone. It would still be awesome, I thought. After all, I did a week-long yoga conference 1,300 miles from home a few years back that was incredibly fulfilling.

But this time, the gates around my heart started rising the minute I walked into our mountain lodge. I was the oldest among this group of 20- and 30-somethings. While I’ve practiced yoga for years and felt confident in my strength, this appeared to be a group of expert yogis, most of them teachers, whose spirituality was far deeper than mine. They arrived in small groups, already acquaintances, if not best friends. And did I mention I was the oldest? Suddenly I felt an urgent need to color my hair and Botox my body.

But I was here. For three nights. In the mountains. Without a car and too far for my husband to come rescue me. That first night, as I lay in my creaky cot, in a large den I shared with four others, I felt terrifyingly out of place, frustrated that I’d not more carefully considered canceling, praying I’d wake up in my own bed, all of this a hilarious dream.

I woke up in that same creaky cot. Resigned, I pulled on my yoga clothes for the morning’s practice. Dear God, please no handstands or chanting. Please let there be English along with Sanskrit cues. Please don’t let me fall on my face during crow pose.

Yoga has an inexplicable way of transforming one’s mindset, of paring open a closed heart, of releasing fear, uncertainty, despair, judgement. That morning’s yoga practice was slow and gentle, offering abundant space for deep breathing and long stretching. Space, too, to consider my intention and the possibility that maybe I was there for a reason. Maybe if I paid attention these three days, I’d discover that reason, whatever it might be: A new friend? A new skill? Simply release from all my responsibilities back home? Could I even allow myself such a release?

From that morning practice, I carried with me throughout the weekend the intention to simply be open to that possibility I was indeed there for a reason. That an open and willing mindset was the only salve to those uncomfortable outsider feelings. That by clinging to despair – and fretting about my age – would only add to the misery, my own and everyone else’s.

And so I joined the group making malas. And laughed when, after two hours of laboriously tying knots and threading beads, I shredded my efforts, surrendering to the reason I buy my jewelry already made. I approached conversations with curiosity, looking for what I might learn from a younger generation, what experiences they’ve had that my own two kids will too soon have. Humbly, I learned that this generation is far wiser of the world than I was at their age.

One afternoon, while others tucked themselves under throws to nap, I pulled on my boots and set out for a walk. It was gently snowing, quietly lonely – and a little scary walking against traffic on a road where both shoulders were piled with snow. Yet it was exactly what I needed. Energizing and meditative, cold and sweaty, familiar and foreign, all at the same time. I felt safe, happy and for the first time all weekend, glad to be there.

Ultimately, my reason for being there was not dramatic or life changing, but rather simply to be reminded that with humor, curiosity and self-compassion, I can find ease in uncomfortable situations, I can connect with people outside my usual circle of friends, and I can accept experiences as truly meant to be.

FacebookLinkedInShare

Is it Time to Revive Our Superpower of Presence?

By Kim Lowe, Simple Intentions Managing Editor

flyingLet’s start with the conviction that presence is one of our superpowers. That all of us have within us the natural talent to engage with other humans in meaningful ways that spark creativity and connection, and lead to innovative ideas and exciting new products, not to mention feelings of wholeness and contentment.

Is it time to create new awareness and revive our superpower of presence? Is our current state of multi-distractions and multi-tasking the kryptonite to our natural and crucial strength of presence? Are we losing our ability to stop, think, see, and listen, the cornerstones of presence?

What is a superpower? We’re not talking about a super-human capacity of unlimited flight, telescopic vision or strength more powerful than a locomotive. We’re talking about the unique strengths within each of us that energize, motivate and drive our success. Superpower is often thought of as an equation:

Talent x Investment = Superpower

Talent consists of your innate and natural gifts. Perhaps you have a flair for writing, singing or public speaking. These things come naturally and effortlessly to you, and doing them gives you energy. Do you know your innate talents? Often they are so easy for us, we don’t recognize them ourselves. It’s just something we do, with little self-acknowledgment. Raw talent is more easily seen by those around us. Just ask a friend or colleague what they see as your natural talent. They’ll know.

But raw talent without some investment does not make a superpower. It needs a supply of knowledge and skill to build into a superpower. Good writers become great writers by learning grammar, studying other writers and writing. Public speakers only captivate us after hours of practice, refinement and more practice. Fortunately, the energy and passion of our raw talent sustains the effort of building a superpower.

What about this superpower of presence? As humans, connecting and engaging with others is a core talent. It’s something we crave as much as possess. We’ve spent a lifetime nurturing and strengthening that talent, building a network of family, friends, teachers, and colleagues. We are superpowerfully able to look someone in the eye and see their emotion. We are superpowerfully able to hear excitement or sadness in someone’s words – even when those words don’t include “excited” or “sad”. We are superpowerfully able to pause, observe and appreciate our environments, however chaotic they may be.

Each time we fail to stop, see and listen, our superpower of presence diminishes just a little, and all the distractions of the world – deadlines, emails, texts – crowd into our superpower space.

Just like they do for the superheroes in Hollywood, is it time to revive our superpower of presence? Can we again recognize the unique talent in all of us to connect, and build upon that gift by investing in our relationships, not only with others, but also with ourselves?

What is one thing we can do today to strengthen our superpower of presence? Can we practice seeing the details of our environments? Can we notice the number of devices we use at the same time? Can we slow down a conversation to hear what’s being said and what’s not being said?

With presence, we’re all superheroes.

FacebookLinkedInShare